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If
you are reading this webpage, then you have already started or finished what may
be one of the most difficult processes in your child's life. Those of you who
have already been through the l egal
process may have discovered that the situation did not improve- in fact you may have found that everything became more
complicated. Frequently divorce is looked at as a way out of a relationship in
order to make life easier by 'finding the right person' or 'finding oneself'
(especially relevant if the marriage occurred at an early age). In the real
world however, the complications of a split-home and dealing with step-parents
can be a night mirror and often divorced parents eventually realize with shock
that the right person was never there. This is due to the common misconception
many of us have about love and relationships: that the right person will
be different. Educate yourself on the honest 'ins & outs' of relationships, like
how a relationship's chemistry cycles and the common pitfalls for all couples.
The point is that you do not want to limit yourself in future relationships or put your kids in the middle of another divorce due to common
misconceptions and inaccurate assumptions. For specific questions email our
founder:
clay@fight4kids.com
or join the
Discussion
Forums.
No longer
are mom and dad both there when the lights are turned out at night.
Often mom and dad are no longer arguing about how to improve the home,
they are engr ossed in finances and establishing themselves. It's
a whole different world for kids and the experience will change their
childhood forever. If you are still in the legal process,
now is a good time for you to consider the fact that a child needs
equal time with both parents. Just because the court system has traditionally
handed out horrible visitation schedules does not mean that
America's kids are healthier. The fact is that as a dad, you have a
responsibility EQUAL to a mom's and a 50/50 visitation schedule is
not out
of the question. If you are a mom, you may need to push for the same
schedule. Kids are not looking to see if their mom or dad can pass a
character contest, they want love and attention from both parents.
Sometimes the best thing is for a mom or dad to find themselves directly
responsible for kids a lot more than normal...the mutu ally
healthy connections that form can be life changing.*
If
children cannot have both mom and dad at night, they can have mom and
dad every other night. From experience, the founder of Fight 4 Kids is able to co-parent much more effectively with
a 50/50 split-week schedule. Take the time to review the resources we
have listed below for divorced or divorcing parents. There are handouts and books
that have been proven to make matters a little bit more manageable and
most importantly, not as damaging to your child.
A Final Note:
Related studies have illustrated that kids will use a dad as a safe
person to rebel against. Dad's role is simply not identical to mom's
role and trying to be everything to your kids or trying to
replace the other co parent is not fair to any stakeholder involved.
Sometimes
we respond to emails regarding divorce or custody issues. We have
included a
Question & Answer page related to these
topics.
Check
out our
Internet Parenting Classes,
Start a Small Group
or
Parenting Advice & Resources!
Some Additional Resources Include:
Shared Parenting
(An Essay)
(Written by a Single Dad and Founder of
Fight4Kids)
Divorced Parenting (Handout)**
The Good Divorce (Paperback)
Divorced Families: Meeting the Challenge of Divorce and Remarriage (Paperback)
Example of a 50/50 Split Week Schedule
(from a Fight4kids.com member)
* Review our Terms of
Service. We only provide information and are not
professionally trained. Seek professional assistance
if needed.
**This handout and many others are
located at the
Center for
Effective Parenting website. |